جنایت

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ای ژنرال فاتح
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دیدگاه ها . «جنایت»

  1. salAm sArA
    It is strange but I don’t comment much on what you write, n’est-ce pas
    ?
    well, the reason is simple, i read them and enjoy them, that is all for me :)
    right now, i am writing this to tell about your style. well, let’s be honest, i don’t know much so let me tell you what i think and you be the judge of it.
    this latest writing of you is definitely a piece of nice poetry. what i liked about it, style-wise and word-wise, was the last line, it was not a mere daily routine sentence or maybe it was at first? what happened to it in your hands made it worth reading it twice, you changed the order of words! and yes, as simple as it might sound, this is what is missing from many of the pseudo-poems out there. a straight forward writing could hardly be regarded as a poem unless it is what is called ‘sh’er-e sepeed’ of which Shamlou has only a few, 1 or 2 (i guess one of them starts like this:
    nafas-e koochak-e bAd bood-o hareer …
    )
    Brief, regardless of the content, poems have to have a style, a form, something to distinguish them from prose.
    I would be much delighted to see your works with a stronger form (and i mean it as a friendly whisper)
    PS: I am not sure, my memories are fading on me, but I think at one point Shamlou was trying to translate “don-e ArAm”, by Mikhail Aleksandrovich Sholokhov, and one of the reasons for re-translating that novel was to show how language could be / should be looked upon? If it is folk-talk or if it is a literally work, you have to pay close attention on the way they are done. Folk-talk is an unchartted teritory for manyas it is rarely investigated upon but it has all the merits for it.
    Anyway, look at Shamlou’s, Nima’s works and you will see what I mean.

  4. سلام
    زیبا بود ..با خودم می گویم کاش میشد که با تعداد کلمات بیشتری و با گشاده دستی در پروراندن فضا، پروازش میدادی این شعر را . گمانم اگر اپیزودیکش کنی و روایی ، آن سطرهای بلند را بی اشتها و تعجیل ذهن برای رسیدن به فعل بشود خواند . نمیدانم میشد که ژنرال را با سردار عوض کرد؟ هم آوآیی ‌‌ سین دراین بند ممتد و سرد میشد گمانم درست مثل صدای فس فس گاز باز مانده . میشد به گمانت؟:)
    .. بسیار زیباست این که گفتی و تلخ البته ..

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